The NYTimes recently published a beautiful article entitled The Brain on Love by Diane Ackerman. It's about how our interpersonal relationships, and love especially, can influence our mental and physical well-being. It presents a new field called interpersonal neurobiology, which "draws its vigor from one of the great discoveries of our era: that the brain is constantly rewiring itself based on daily life. In the end, what we pay the most attention to defines us. How you choose to spend the irreplaceable hours of your life literally transforms you." I think this is deeply true. Our relationships, the types of people we choose to surround ourselves with, the activities we perform, and all the choices we make every moment of the day, shape our brains, our personalities, and how we respond to everything around us whether positive or negative.
Ackerman also addresses the mother-child bond that is created even before the child is born and how when we're older we search for it in our relationships. In fact, she gleans, being in a supportive, loving relationship with someone who you trust and love wholeheartedly and who reciprocates those same feelings can shape our neurological conditions and well-being. She writes, "Dr. Siegel, a neuropsychiatrist, refers to the indelible sense of “feeling felt” that we learn as infants and seek in romantic love, a reciprocity that remodels the brain’s architecture and functions.... Scientific studies of longevity, medical and mental health, happiness and even wisdom, point to supportive relationships as the most robust predictor of these positive attributes in our lives across the life span.”
The intuitive psychiatrist, Dr. Judith Orloff, in her book Intuitive Healing reflects on the idea that our bodies respond to people around us all the time if only we paid attention. Love can hurt when it ends abruptly or it's not reciprocated, but if we can be attuned to how our bodies respond to someone, we could possibly learn more quickly whether this person is contributing to our well-being or not. For example, that sinking heavy feeling or those uncomfortable butterflies in our stomach can reveal so much if we only pay attention. I'm not talking about how we feel around someone during intimate moments, but rather consistently on a moment to moment basis. It is such a blessing being around someone who puts you at ease, who you trust with your whole being, who you know supports you in every choice and decision you make, and whose touch and embrace your body responds to positively, always. Ackerman says, "If you’re in a healthy relationship, holding your partner’s hand is enough to subdue your blood pressure, ease your response to stress, improve your health and soften physical pain. We alter one another’s physiology and neural functions." How many times do we allow ourselves to maintain toxic relationships whether it's with a friend or significant other without paying attention to the body's signs. Our mind typically gets in the way. If we listened, perhaps we'd be able to address whatever underlying issues existed in that connection. Think about a time when something felt intuitively right. You know the feeling when it's there, though it may be difficult to tell when it's not. When it truly feels right, you know it, but when it doesn't your rational mind interferes and you keep weighing the pros and cons.
I wanted to share this article because I've learned how important interpersonal relationships are to my own well-being. The sense of touch can do wonders for us, which is a reason I love those big cozy hugs. We are affectionate beings. And yoga, while it is inherently an individual practice, gets us connected to our bodies in such a way that enables us to become more compassionate and loving toward ourselves. In turn, realizing how incredibly important that love, compassion and affection is, we want to share it with others. This support that we can give each other, whether to a friend, family member, significant other or even a stranger, can reduce our fears, anxieties, and stresses and program our brains to better deal with adversity. The proof is in the science, but we can only fathom if we truly observe. "During idylls of safety, when your brain knows you’re with someone you can trust, it needn’t waste precious resources coping with stressors or menace. Instead it may spend its lifeblood learning new things or fine-tuning the process of healing. Its doors of perception swing wide open." Isn't that so liberating. It's all within our control, if we're only mindful and observant of our bodily intuition.